As promised in last the blog, Connecting The Dots Of Assertiveness Coaching, this is a more in depth post on our physical body's way of warning us, and what Deal Breakers are all about.
Did you realize your body has the incredible capability of being a highly sensitive meter, that works to help you avoid crisis situations in the relationship department? The problem is we don't know or do not connect with the messages/signals it provides. We either ignore them, or associate them as coincidental, or sometimes even a good thing! For instance, the butterflies in the stomach or the light headed feeling you get when meeting someone for the first time, these are NOT necessarily positive.
Actually they require your immediate attention, start taking notes. Ask yourself: How is this person's way of interacting working for me? How does this person treat others in social situations? Begin to seriously observe their behavior and actions. Check in and start paying attention to the feeling(s) in your body while asking yourself the above questions. (If anything is not clear, re-read the last blog post for more specifics, such as getting grounded etc...).
RED FLAGS are physical manifestations of caution signs. When meeting new people primarily your stomach is your guide! It's your indicator as to whether they are, or are not, safe. This will show itself with tightening or tension in your stomach area. It can mean two different things, either this sign is letting you know your stressed by them, or you are picking up on their being stressed by you.
Either way this clear message is letting you know right away, not to go forward them. Giving them more of your time and energy is a not a good move for you. Deep down you know this and your body is the first to sound the alarm.
Pay attention, don't fall down the rabbit hole of curiosity, disfunction, self worthlessness, denial, or delusion. You know better, you know you have many other supportive, positive ways of spending time and enjoying your life!
DEAL BREAKERS are the 'without exception' reasons you will not be in, or stay in, a relationship or situation.
Whenever you find yourself collapsing, giving in, acquiescing, compromising yourself, or complying with others who are overstepping your personal Deal Breakers, you're living in disempowerment.
The two most important Deal Breakers are: deceit/deceiving, and any/all forms of abuse. The rest are completely individualistic. I'll share a few examples of what I need, and look for in others. The people in my circle of friends must be animal and nature lovers, athletic, savvy, and have a similar sense of humor to mine. Those who do not possess these qualities are Deal Breakers for me. For some of you this may seem picky. Compromising your personal Deal Breakers NEVER works out.
The upcoming May blog will take a deeper look at our devitalizing patterns and the delusion of believing, "If I don't speak up with my needs and wants to others, it makes me a better person and more likable."
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