After being on the planet for 60 years, I'm able to look back on my life and realize so much about myself that wasn't available before. This is a great value to me because I'm able to help, to support, coach, and mentor many, including myself!
Being an only child of older parents who were pretty clueless, I wasn't really given "the how to's of socializing" nor taught how to get involved and participate and I didn't have a clue either. I decided to sit and watch, like viewing a movie or TV show. Which was easy because I was sitting watching a lot of T.V.!
Remember in school on the playground, when it was time to choose sides for the game, yep I was the last picked.
What's the connection here between my personal life and participating? Turns out it's incredibly relevant to today's world of feeling emptiness, a sense of abandonment and isolation. I always felt these feelings and suffered from them growing up.
This has become our main stay, our main way of connecting, meeting and coming together.
We text and talk to little screens, there isn't anything real or personable and nothing physically close or touchable. There aren't the person to person interactions. The same is true when people do meet in person, so many continue to be on their phone. What's worse is when two people are together, both paying more attention to their phones than to each other! It's very disheartening for everyone and we are suffering.
In my coaching practice my specialty is in self-fulfillment. Recently I organized a *meet-up based on this subject, there are about 100 female members. Interesting thing, women join but do not participate.
What's going on?
One very important factor that prevails and deserves
mentioning is our female conditioning. This is still living in our deepest layers, rightly so. It was absolute necessity in many cases for our safety and well being. We learned long ago to back down, give in, compromise, hide, and stay small. Now even though it's 2019 we may be playing this role out and not realize it, we may operate from this deeply seeded past and see it as normal. The conditioning becomes our ingrained patterns, we then form habits to accommodate us to be able to cope.
Our patterns and habits and are our #1 blocks and blind spots.
Our habits and patterns are for the most part all hidden from us. Making them difficult, if not nearly impossible to identify without some professional guidance.
A FIRST STEP!
A wonderful first step is to participate, partake, meet-up, join-in and connect with other women! Regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel, this strategy of interacting with our sisters can be a great help. It can support us in opening up! This will create more access in getting a sense of your hidden self-destructive behaviors. You come back to yourself, developing feelings of it's safe to be me, you begin to authentically listen and look at how you interact and how you treat yourself, what your thoughts are and much more,
Side Note: Meeting together for drinks after work with the girls just isn't enough!
Starting in my mid 20's, moving all the way through my 40's, the thought of joining together with other women and participating in projects, classes, conversation etc. somehow never occurred to me, it was far removed from the way I was choosing to spend my time. In all honestly I didn't know what that could possibly be like. Being a single parent, I was trying to have some me time with time to date and was still trying to get those catty high school clique years out of my head.
I now know, it is vital for us as women who want to live in self-fulfillment to connect, support, listen and learn from one another!
Instead of checking your email or texts again, try joining in and engage with other women in some kind of group activity that you can only do live and in person. Begin to participate in finding your self-fulfillment.
*If you're not already familiar with meetups, it's a forum designed for people to join groups to meet together in person.